When your communication derails…

“I’m confused. I thought we were talking about our daughter’s tutor,”said my husband over our morning cup of coffee.

“We are,” I replied. “I was just giving you an example of a conversation she and I had about her schoolwork.”

He sat there silently, a look of confusion on his face.

My response to his silence? Speeding up and talking more—-hoping that this time my logic would make sense.

He sat there, still confused.

This simple check-in that started with “How did you sleep?” quickly spiraled into a tangled misunderstanding about our daughter’s progress at school. It took us a full ten minutes to unravel it. So fun!

Have you ever been there?

Maybe with your partner. Or during a 1:1 with a colleague. Or in a team meeting. Or a high-stakes conversation where clarity really matters.

If so, you’re not alone.

Breakdowns in communication happen all the time.

So, I want to share three ways you can reset when that happens

and then I’ll tell you how my husband and I worked through ours.

Here we go…

1. Pause and Name What’s Happening

“Let’s pause, I want to make sure we’re hearing each other clearly.”

Sometimes the best move is to hit reset. Name the fog without assigning blame.

• In a 1:1:​

  “I might be missing something can we rewind a bit?

  ​(Adapted from Dr. Tania Israel’s work on conflict de-escalation.)

• In a team setting:

  ​“Can we do a quick check to make sure we’re solving the right problem?”

• In high-stakes conversations:

  ​“Before we move forward, let’s align on the main point we want to land.”

  
  

2. Lead with Curiosity

“What feels most important to you right now?”

Curiosity shifts the energy. It replaces tension with openness and makes space for clarity.

• In a 1:1:

  ​“What’s the one thing you want me to understand from this?”

  
  

• In a team setting:

  ​“What’s everyone seeing as the core issue here?”​

  (Inspired by Priya Parker’s work on group clarity and shared purpose.)

• In high-stakes conversations:

  ​“What’s the main takeaway we want this group to leave with?”

  
  

3. Take a Microbreak—with Intention

“Let’s take five and come back focused.”

A short pause can reset the room—if it’s framed with care.

• In a 1:1:​

  “Would a short break help us both reset?”

  
  

• In a team setting:

  ​“Let’s take five and return with one insight or question each.”

  
  

• In high-stakes conversations:

  ​“Let’s pause to synthesize what’s been said. We’ll regroup with next steps.”​

  (Backed by Dr. Nick Morgan’s work on presence and clarity in high-pressure rooms.)

  
  

4. Try This Prompt in Your Next Conversation:

“What would help us feel more aligned right now?”

For my husband and I, we used humor to break out of it. We tried the pause and it didn’t work (mostly because I can be relentless—-guilty!). The humor eventually worked because we know each other well and this is our love language. So yes, sometimes you have to try more than one tactic to get back on track.