Let’s talk about feedback

Have you ever led a workshop, given a keynote, or shared your story with an audience and were brave enough to ask for feedback?

Maybe you received a stack of glowing reviews, notes of gratitude, kind words from people who were moved or inspired.

And then there’s that one comment.

The comment that seems to stand out above all the good stuff that you can’t seem to shake off.

Maybe it’s not even harsh. Maybe it’s just unexpected or confusing.

Either way, it’s the one that keeps replaying in your head over and over while all of the good stuff starts to fade into the background.

It can be frustrating. I know.

Our brains are wired to focus on the negative. Psychologists call it the negativity bias, a leftover survival mechanism from when noticing the bad stuff kept us alive. But now, instead of scary animals trying to eat us, it’s one person’s comment after your talk that sends your system into overdrive.

And when you’re doing your best to serve your audience, to meet them where they are, that one piece of feedback can feel personal. Especially when your audiences are always changing.

Some of my clients speak to the same type of crowd every time. Others work across totally different industries. Both are challenging in their own way. Because when you’re in front of people, you’re putting yourself out there. You’re being seen. And being seen means being open to all kinds of responses.

Here is the one thing that I try and remind myself and my clients of:

Not everyone will like you.

And that’s actually a good thing.

You’re not for everyone. I’m not for everyone.

Your goal isn’t to please everyone. It’s to connect with the people who need what you have to say.

So when feedback rolls in, try this approach:

1. Ask with clarity. When you ask for feedback, be specific. Try questions like, “What resonated most?” or “What could be clearer?” instead of “What did you think?”
   

2. Look for patterns, not outliers. If several people say the same thing, pay attention. If it’s just one person’s opinion, thank them and move on.
   

3. Pause before reacting. Take a breath. Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between danger and discomfort. Give yourself time to come back to center before deciding what to take in.
   

4. Celebrate your wins. I have what I call the, “I am a badass file.” It’s a folder filled with kind words, screenshots, and notes from people I’ve worked with. On tough days, I read through it to remind myself of the impact I’ve made. I highly recommend it.

Here’s what I know after years of being on stage, coaching others, and learning how to stand in my own voice: confidence isn’t built on everyone liking you. It’s built on knowing who you are and showing up that way anyway.

So when the next round of feedback comes in, and one comment stings a little, remember this:

It’s not rejection. It’s information.

Take what’s helpful. Leave what isn’t.

And keep showing up.

Because the people who do connect with you, the ones who see you and feel something because of your work, are the ones who matter most.

And if you are looking for a resource that collects feedback so you can continue growing as a speaker, please check out ​Talkadot​. Your future self will thank you!